firstly, the thing happened on 21SEPT.
the dae when we had eng enrichment.
sth happened and it sparked off this stupid, dumb, freak-ass quarrel.
which i tink i dun hafta elab on.

anw, part of mi entry is from mi letter to jas.
hope jas wuld be damn free to blog out mi feeling for mi which is in my letter written to her.
dat wk mi com sorta lyk broke down.
culdnt use the net.
so culdnt blog.
so alot of tings wanna sae cant sae.
so wrote letter to her.

from then mi mood took a turn for the worse.
the next wk, on mondae..
rmb ying asked mi how cum i so sian.
den i sae nutting.
tuesdae oso.
and it continued for like a week or so.
for that wk, i was super quiet.
went to sch, din tok.
i din crap.
i din joke and lame arnd.
i wasnt mi usual self in sch.
i jus dun feel like doin so.
i was stressed up.
i was vexed.
i was troubled.
i was in a mess.
i wuldnt talk in sch.
why was i so withdrawn?

i hate to get stuck in the middle of a silent quarrel.

i hate to see everyone acting so nice infront of each other and end up to be so bu shuang behind each other's back.

it sux mann.

puii!

troubled abt wad, u mite sae.

#1: results
ever since i got back mi ppr, i've been super scared of mi eoy.
realli scared.
realli afraid.
that i'd do realli badly.
cos i expected much more from myself.
this is not the result i can get, realli.
if onli i had put in hard work and not plae all the time and be lazi.
im realli stressed out.
though im stil not studying by then.
im stressed out abt exams.
abt promotion.
abt results.
abt skul.

#2: X-JAYZ*
damn u ppl.
all kip quiet lar.
not happi dun wanna sae.
all kip to urselves huh?
veri fun arh?
wtfh. tink u all kip quiet can solve prob issit?
by keeping quiet, u'll be kipin everiting to urself.
sooner or ltr, u'll blow up.
issnt it better to sae wad u're not happi wid when u r not happi?
instead of jus kipin quiet?
i dun mind if it's lyk for one or two occasions.
and mabbe u will jus forget abt it.
but it's not!
everything gets accumulated.
the anger.
the hatred.
it gets too much for u to bear and u jus blow up.
wad happen the other day wasnt a FULL-BLOWN one.
if it gets FULL blown.
i dunno wad wuld happen.
once it erupts, the ash and lava cools and solidifies, and it staes there forever.

i've said this before and im repeating it again.
and i tink it wont be the last time.
but i hope it wuld be.
and that is to voice out ur unhapiness.
puh-lease.
dun kip it to urself.
if u r not happi wid sumone, and u dun show or tell the person that u not shuang.
how do u expect that person to know that u are unhappi wid him/her and therefore, MABBE chg..?!?
and now i realised jas has blogged part of my letter.
im realli tired and lazi to repeat miself.
jas, if u dun mind, jus brin the letter.
let them see for themselves.
im tired.
sick n tired.
i dun wanna sae too much.
mi entry wuld be super long.

ok.

for now, im gonna say abt jus now's conversation on the fone.

agn, on the fone, I FEEL that both have their rights and wrongs.
NOBODI is perfect.
even if they r perfect, they wun b perfect in everyone's eyes.
and even if they are not perfect, sumbodi will see them as perfect.
wad am i tokin abt.
ok, den..
i apologise agn if i've hurt u in one wae or another.
ppl hurt others, unknowingly.

as for the words she used, i'll use the word oso.
cos FOR ME, mi vocab is limited.
as in.. lyk u noe wad i mean lar. ok.
u said u used the word 'qian1 jiu4' instead of tolerate or ren.
but TO ME, i'd use the word tolerate.
BECAUSE, i dun even noe the meaning of the word qian jiu.
as in lyk.. dun realli noe howta use or sth liddat lar.
ok, im sure u get wad i mean.
but to me, mi tolerate can be the same to ur qian jiu.
but to u, qian jiu is different from tolerate.
so wad can u do abt it?
mk mi studie chinese?
studi dictionary?
i doubt so.

ok, she mite haf gone overboard in saying that she feel like slappin you when she sees you.
but she uses that word countless times on countless ppl.
it's like, a word that she uses whenever she bu shuang or wad.
ok, i noe, at this pt, u'd sae the character ting agn.
her character as character, and ur character as que1 dian3.
so i shall jus shuddup abt this pt.
cos i admit it's sumwad true lar.
k wadever.
but sumtimes, certain characters cant be tolerated by sum ppl.
ya, true, to us, her words dun hurt.
but to u it hurts.
and ur character, to them, it hurts.
but to u, it's ur character wad, wad to do?

and abt not wanting to tell certain tings when u cum..
u cant possibly expect one to kip everyting till he/she gets hme rite?
it'd be lyk so funnie lar.
den we hafta call each other everidae?
i dun tink we're that free.

abt everione who ps each other..
everione pangseh each other b4.
dare u sae u din ps b4?
ps wid a reason.
not everione likes to be alone.
xian saes she doesnt mind me ps her, but i doubt so lar.
rite?
but mabbe it's true lar.
cos sumtimes she does tings alone.
yea so..

abt the seating arrangement ting.
you do not wanna be wid joyce, neither does she wans to be with joyce.
so how?
everione seat alone lar!
or better lar, i seat wid joyce k!
then u 2 go sit tgt.
den gd lar.

u said u feel left out.
yes, i agree lar.
we sad all 5 of us are best frens.
but of cos, there'll be a BEST out of the best rite?
u all say xian and me best.
then say ying snatched me from her.
but wad she sae is true, angela's not alwaes wid us, if she's not wid me, then who?
let her be extra?
can the 4 of us jus be like friends wid each other?
like mabbe sumtimes give in to one another or sth?

and there's stil alot of conflicts.

and to me,
the mtg was meant for EVERYONE to voice out wad she feels abt one another.
aniting not happi, dun kip liao.
lyk i mentioned earlier, keepin it wuld onli mk it worse.
if u treasure the frenship, u shuld voice out all that u are not happi wid.
and i feel that the mtg is there to let us voice out.
and for the person to MABBE chg..
i dun expect one to realli chg.
it's up to him/her.
i cant force them, cos i dun like to be forced into doin tings.
so, i wun force one to chg.
when u voice out ur opinion, u shuld at the same time, TRY to ACCEPT him/her for who he/she is.
and not jus sit and wait for him/her to chg!

and afterall, we're stil under our parents' ctrl.
we cant go out as and when we like.
i mean for me.
for u guys, i dunno.
so it's rather hard to get certain tings done.
im sure if we were free to do wad we want, tings wuld be done more easily.
at least, there'd be one less excuse lyk "my mother dun allow" .

and wad else?
i dunno.
i dun wanna blog le.

jus one last ting:
ACCEPT & CHANGE.
u pple are intelligent ppl, im sure u noe wad i mean.

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